I thought this might be a good time to get all our facts straight. So below is a very brief description of IVF and ICSI. Please remember that all cases are different and are treated differently.
IVF
In vitro fertilization (IVF) is a process by which egg cells are fertilised by sperm outside the body, in vitro. IVF is a major treatment in infertility when other methods of assisted reproductive technology have failed. The process involves hormonally controlling the ovulatory process, removing ova (eggs) from the woman's ovaries and letting sperm fertilise them in a fluid medium. The fertilised egg (zygote) is then transferred to the patient's uterus with the intent to establish a successful pregnancy.
For IVF to be successful it typically requires healthy ova, sperm that can fertilise, and a uterus that can maintain a pregnancy. Due to the costs of the procedure, IVF is generally attempted only after less expensive options have failed.
ICSI
Intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI, pronounced "eeksee" or "icksy") is an in vitro fertilization procedure in which a single sperm is injected directly into an egg.
This procedure is most commonly used to overcome male infertility problems, although it may also be used where eggs cannot easily be penetrated by sperm, and occasionally as a method of in vitro fertilization, especially that associated with sperm donation.
In natural fertilization sperm compete and when the first sperm penetrates the oolemma, the oolemma hardens to block the entry of any other sperm. In ICSI this sperm selection process is bypassed and a single sperm is selected by the embryologist.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Assessment Cycle Review Appointment
The assessment cycle review appointment we had yesterday was to discuss all test results and recommendation for our IVF cycle. The appointment was ok I guess but very disappointing and depressing. We knew what the outcome would be, very low sperm count however over the last few tests it seems like the count is getting lower and lower each time which is a big worry. We are considering freezing sperm for the future however we are looking at carrying this out in a few months, not right now. 1 good thing with Aarons sperm is the low count is the only problem, there is no issues with movement, speed, sizing etc. so this is a positive sign.
With me all looks really good; uterus lining is fantastic, ovary reserve is A+, ovary sizing etc. is normal. So if/when I become pregnant my body should be able to carry (from these figures anyway). The only issue is I have an antibody defect (forgot the name it is super long) its not a huge problem but in the first few stages of pregnancy I will need to take certain drugs or pills to help with this, the reason being is my system may not fight hard enough to save the baby if I fall sick etc. I didn’t understand this completely so the doc is sending some info in the post.
So on our existing results we have a chance of conceiving naturally 1% if that. So with such a low sperm count the only way to go is IVF+ ICSI (which we kinda knew already). We discussed success rates and we can get it up to about 35 – 40% success rate with IVF+ ICSI. I will be doing an antagonist cycle as my cycles are pretty much the same each month – from what the doc said my recommended cycle would have a lower amount of drugs (compared to others) this is good as I have a lower chance of being over stimulated and becoming sick.
Well I’m gonna shut up about the medical stuff as it must be flying over your heads by now. For the first time Aaron and I sat down last night and went through the figures and tried to work out our finances so we could factor in this expense ($10k+) and work out when we could start. We have a basic plan and that is heading back to the FS clinic in July where we get ready a month before (learn how to do the injections, see the counsellor etc.) and start our IVF cycle in Aug. I know it’s a long wait but we can't be silly about it and use our maternity savings for this if it does work (and it better fkn work!) we want to be ready financially so we enjoy our time leading up to having a baby, not stressed about cash. And we decided it was best to sell Ardy – my motorbike... it will give us a lot more funds so we can start a good 5 months earlier.
I think after everything last night the most disappointing thing is we cant start straight away we need to wait many months financially but saying that my new goal is to kick 10kgs in the next 3-4 months as this will give us a better success rate also.
Oh by the way to top off the shitty night we get a fkn parking ticket!!!
With me all looks really good; uterus lining is fantastic, ovary reserve is A+, ovary sizing etc. is normal. So if/when I become pregnant my body should be able to carry (from these figures anyway). The only issue is I have an antibody defect (forgot the name it is super long) its not a huge problem but in the first few stages of pregnancy I will need to take certain drugs or pills to help with this, the reason being is my system may not fight hard enough to save the baby if I fall sick etc. I didn’t understand this completely so the doc is sending some info in the post.
So on our existing results we have a chance of conceiving naturally 1% if that. So with such a low sperm count the only way to go is IVF+ ICSI (which we kinda knew already). We discussed success rates and we can get it up to about 35 – 40% success rate with IVF+ ICSI. I will be doing an antagonist cycle as my cycles are pretty much the same each month – from what the doc said my recommended cycle would have a lower amount of drugs (compared to others) this is good as I have a lower chance of being over stimulated and becoming sick.
Well I’m gonna shut up about the medical stuff as it must be flying over your heads by now. For the first time Aaron and I sat down last night and went through the figures and tried to work out our finances so we could factor in this expense ($10k+) and work out when we could start. We have a basic plan and that is heading back to the FS clinic in July where we get ready a month before (learn how to do the injections, see the counsellor etc.) and start our IVF cycle in Aug. I know it’s a long wait but we can't be silly about it and use our maternity savings for this if it does work (and it better fkn work!) we want to be ready financially so we enjoy our time leading up to having a baby, not stressed about cash. And we decided it was best to sell Ardy – my motorbike... it will give us a lot more funds so we can start a good 5 months earlier.
I think after everything last night the most disappointing thing is we cant start straight away we need to wait many months financially but saying that my new goal is to kick 10kgs in the next 3-4 months as this will give us a better success rate also.
Oh by the way to top off the shitty night we get a fkn parking ticket!!!
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
BFN
This mornings test = BFN. Not a hint of a line...not even a faulty test so I could still have some hope. Just a big fat negative.
Before you jump up and down and start saying "oh its to early" I know .... I know the facts - trust me I have read the test packaging word for word before.... however it doesn't make the blow any easier. I feel so depressed and alone - Who can I talk to about it? everyone I want to talk to has never faced this issue and they are usually the people that say 'chin up, it will happen and all will be ok'....easy to say when you not in my shoes. People I can talk to have other crap on their minds, have other more important things on...because lets face it infertility is not life threatening, it's hardly even spoken about.
I fear after todays FS appt I will feel worse. Discussing future IVF cycles and the test results will be horrible. The worse part will be going through the costing and trying to figure out when we can afford this expensive journey, putting it off due to funds sucks big time.
On days like this I try lay low, head down bum up in my workload. Maybe with loud music, a big mug of coffee and hardcore paperwork I can forget about it all for just 1 minute.
Before you jump up and down and start saying "oh its to early" I know .... I know the facts - trust me I have read the test packaging word for word before.... however it doesn't make the blow any easier. I feel so depressed and alone - Who can I talk to about it? everyone I want to talk to has never faced this issue and they are usually the people that say 'chin up, it will happen and all will be ok'....easy to say when you not in my shoes. People I can talk to have other crap on their minds, have other more important things on...because lets face it infertility is not life threatening, it's hardly even spoken about.
I fear after todays FS appt I will feel worse. Discussing future IVF cycles and the test results will be horrible. The worse part will be going through the costing and trying to figure out when we can afford this expensive journey, putting it off due to funds sucks big time.
On days like this I try lay low, head down bum up in my workload. Maybe with loud music, a big mug of coffee and hardcore paperwork I can forget about it all for just 1 minute.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
EPS?
So now after lunch I have a sore stomach....you reckon it could be EPS (early pregnancy symptoms) or just lunch sitting wrong? These are the stupid things you think of during the horrid 2WW!!
You look so hard to find any change in your body ... I swear we even make up a few feelings. I was having slight pains before lunch ... was this real or was I just thinking it? oh the confusion :(
The real question is - should I do a home pregnancy test tomorrow morning before my FS appt? I will be 8DPO (days past ovulation) and this is still very early to test (most times implantation has not even occured therefore the test would not work anyway). I think about it all day ...should I.....shouldn't I? I most likely will and still I will be shattered if I see that terrible big fat negative.
wish me luck tomorrow morning for testing ...you know I will end up caving.
Edit to add: Well it's 7pm and the cramping has still not gone away....my mind is racing! could it be EPS? I am now going silly with hope.
You look so hard to find any change in your body ... I swear we even make up a few feelings. I was having slight pains before lunch ... was this real or was I just thinking it? oh the confusion :(
The real question is - should I do a home pregnancy test tomorrow morning before my FS appt? I will be 8DPO (days past ovulation) and this is still very early to test (most times implantation has not even occured therefore the test would not work anyway). I think about it all day ...should I.....shouldn't I? I most likely will and still I will be shattered if I see that terrible big fat negative.
wish me luck tomorrow morning for testing ...you know I will end up caving.
Edit to add: Well it's 7pm and the cramping has still not gone away....my mind is racing! could it be EPS? I am now going silly with hope.
2 Week Wait
In the TTC world the 2 week wait is the worse - apart from AF of course. After ovulation you hopes and dreams are sky high as you know you have put in a lot of effort over the fertile period. You wait around to see the results in the way of a home pregnancy test or the dreaded signs of AF.
After a few days your hopes and dreams start to fade as you mind works over time thinking about stupid things. For example; if you missed a day of sex you question if that was 'the day', you start to think if you haven't been successful so far what makes this month so special, you don't see any different changes in your body so you must not be pregnant ... so many thoughts come to the surface.
Over the last 6 months I haven't been too bad during the 2WW period however with a slightly higher chance this month I can't help but stress and hope to the extreme. I have thought about the disappointment if this month doesn't happen, to be honest I don't think I will bounce back as quick as usual. I have found the last week has been hard, I have been more down than usual and I think I am depressed again. I think this stems from the thoughts of failing this month, my stupid head thinks if I fail this month we have no hope naturally. Even if you are told that by the fertility doctor you still hope it happens (silly I know but you can't help but hope).
Tomorrow we head into the FS clinic again for more bloods and we get the results of the whole assessment cycle testing. This is where we sit down and make our future 'game plan', I am very nervous about planning for our future IVF cycles. I am just hoping Aaron's SA comes back a little better than first thought. I guess knowing where we stand is a great advantage but I can't help but wonder why... why do we need to go through this and will it ever happen. I know people try to tell me it will but you can't help but remember its not guaranteed and this is the scariest thought of all.
After a few days your hopes and dreams start to fade as you mind works over time thinking about stupid things. For example; if you missed a day of sex you question if that was 'the day', you start to think if you haven't been successful so far what makes this month so special, you don't see any different changes in your body so you must not be pregnant ... so many thoughts come to the surface.
Over the last 6 months I haven't been too bad during the 2WW period however with a slightly higher chance this month I can't help but stress and hope to the extreme. I have thought about the disappointment if this month doesn't happen, to be honest I don't think I will bounce back as quick as usual. I have found the last week has been hard, I have been more down than usual and I think I am depressed again. I think this stems from the thoughts of failing this month, my stupid head thinks if I fail this month we have no hope naturally. Even if you are told that by the fertility doctor you still hope it happens (silly I know but you can't help but hope).
Tomorrow we head into the FS clinic again for more bloods and we get the results of the whole assessment cycle testing. This is where we sit down and make our future 'game plan', I am very nervous about planning for our future IVF cycles. I am just hoping Aaron's SA comes back a little better than first thought. I guess knowing where we stand is a great advantage but I can't help but wonder why... why do we need to go through this and will it ever happen. I know people try to tell me it will but you can't help but remember its not guaranteed and this is the scariest thought of all.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Painting
Because I am in the spending mood I thought I would share my lastest and greatest purchase. We moved into our first home 2 years ago - not a rental, our first family home. So we decided to keep the look simple and wait until the right art/feature pieces came along. Well 2 years in I have found a lovely handpainted piece of art and I can't believe it was at a fantastic price! I think this piece will bring much needed brightness to a plain open space area. I can't wait to have it delivered!
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| Hand painted cherry blossom painting |
Thursday, March 24, 2011
New Iphone
I have been thinking for the last month what to do regarding my mobile phone as my existing iphone3 plan comes to an end this month. So I went to the shops tonight and made my hard decision and I walked away with a new shiny iphone4! The best thing about it is the plan I have now is alot cheaper than before *BONUS*
YAY I love new gadges! Not an interesting update but something to keep me busy :)
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Ovulating
Just back from the clinic this morning and had great news - it's confirmed I did ovulate this morning and we had sex last night so hopefully we hit jackpot this month!! I think for safe measures we should do the deed tonight just to lock in our chances - you never know. The ultrasound tech and nurses said that my chances are higher than normal due to the HyCoSy and by having sex last night the swimmers should be up in the tubes ready for the egg to be released.
I was told my ovaries, follicle and uterus lining are very good - main thing is the lining is a great thickness, ready to hold any implanted egg! It's all very exciting at this point in the cycle and hard not to get our hopes up too much. With all the testing going on I am getting completely worn out by this cycle ... I don't know how some ladies go on IVF - cycle after cycle, I don't think I could do it just yet.
Anyway it's all very exciting and I wanted to share my news as I was getting down during the week from the tests but I think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel ... and if there is a BFP at the end I am sure you will hear me scream from over there!
oh ... and 1 last thing..... no more tests until next Wednesday - my FS review appointment!!!
I was told my ovaries, follicle and uterus lining are very good - main thing is the lining is a great thickness, ready to hold any implanted egg! It's all very exciting at this point in the cycle and hard not to get our hopes up too much. With all the testing going on I am getting completely worn out by this cycle ... I don't know how some ladies go on IVF - cycle after cycle, I don't think I could do it just yet.
Anyway it's all very exciting and I wanted to share my news as I was getting down during the week from the tests but I think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel ... and if there is a BFP at the end I am sure you will hear me scream from over there!
oh ... and 1 last thing..... no more tests until next Wednesday - my FS review appointment!!!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Timed Sex
I have just got off the phone with the nurse from my fertility clinic, all results look good from yesterdays blood test and ultrasound. As today is cycle day 13 next step is doing the deed around ovulation. The clinic requested we have intercourse tonight between 9pm and midnight - talk about timed sex!
During this whole TTC journey you try to keep the sex fun and not a daily chore....I guess all that changes with assisted conception. I don't mind the timed sex I find it just gets my hopes up more for this month. If we were to conceive naturally, this month is the best chance we have. With my recent HyCoSy it acts like a 'flush out' and is said to assist naturally and having daily bloods taken the clinic can pin point the day I ovulate so we have planned not to have sex yesterday to build up Aaron's sperm count. With these points our chances have slightly increased.
I pray with everything I have that we are successful this month. This is our biggest chance naturally before IVF, please be it ... please let our dreams come true.
During this whole TTC journey you try to keep the sex fun and not a daily chore....I guess all that changes with assisted conception. I don't mind the timed sex I find it just gets my hopes up more for this month. If we were to conceive naturally, this month is the best chance we have. With my recent HyCoSy it acts like a 'flush out' and is said to assist naturally and having daily bloods taken the clinic can pin point the day I ovulate so we have planned not to have sex yesterday to build up Aaron's sperm count. With these points our chances have slightly increased.
I pray with everything I have that we are successful this month. This is our biggest chance naturally before IVF, please be it ... please let our dreams come true.
Monday, March 21, 2011
HyCoSy
So Friday finally came around...the day I had my HyCoSy and more bloods taken. I have detailed this test in previous posts but basicly it is when they run dye through your uterus and tubes to see if there is anything out of the ordinary happening down there. I was dreading this test as my clinic preform this test under sedation and I was not looking forward to the numerous needles required that day.
But to my surprise everything went ok and I was not stressed, apart from when they struggled with my drip OUCH!! Recovery was fine and even the nurses were so surprised by my laid back attitude. There were 3 other girls in recovery with me who were freaking out and becoming really sick from the sedatives - not me, I seemed to bounce back fine. I think alot of that is in your head and I went in telling myself that it would be ok and I needed to just go with the flow.
This test was preformed in day surgery so I was home later that night and feeling ok, very sore lower stomach area but thats to be expected. A few doses of strong pain relief and I was fine. Same sore feeling the next day but nothing a few panadols could fix.
On Friday Aaron also had his Semen Analysis (SA). I pray that his count is abit better than first thought. We had to make the decision whether to freeze his sperm or not - we went with no. We want to get this testing out of the way first, see what the results are like than talk about it further and maybe in the next few months we will freeze a sample. We don't get any of the testing results back until next Wednesday.
It's Monday now and I am feeling alot better. Bloods and another ultrasound preformed this morning. No matter how many tests I have you can never 'get used' to them. I still hate all the tests: needles, dildocam, expensive bills, late for work everyday ... oh did I mention the endless amount of needles!! I know it's for a good reason but I am just so over it all.
But to my surprise everything went ok and I was not stressed, apart from when they struggled with my drip OUCH!! Recovery was fine and even the nurses were so surprised by my laid back attitude. There were 3 other girls in recovery with me who were freaking out and becoming really sick from the sedatives - not me, I seemed to bounce back fine. I think alot of that is in your head and I went in telling myself that it would be ok and I needed to just go with the flow.
This test was preformed in day surgery so I was home later that night and feeling ok, very sore lower stomach area but thats to be expected. A few doses of strong pain relief and I was fine. Same sore feeling the next day but nothing a few panadols could fix.
On Friday Aaron also had his Semen Analysis (SA). I pray that his count is abit better than first thought. We had to make the decision whether to freeze his sperm or not - we went with no. We want to get this testing out of the way first, see what the results are like than talk about it further and maybe in the next few months we will freeze a sample. We don't get any of the testing results back until next Wednesday.
It's Monday now and I am feeling alot better. Bloods and another ultrasound preformed this morning. No matter how many tests I have you can never 'get used' to them. I still hate all the tests: needles, dildocam, expensive bills, late for work everyday ... oh did I mention the endless amount of needles!! I know it's for a good reason but I am just so over it all.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Another Fertility Charm
As I have mentioned before, I have many fertility charms, necklaces etc. I was given a pandora bracelet years ago and to be honest I didn't think it was 'my' thing but as time went on I grew to love it with a charm for life events passing us by - graduating financial planning studies, holiday charms, passing childhood dog, best friends, birthdays ...you name it I got a charm for it.
Last year in June when we found out we had fertility issues (MFI) I wanted a pandora charm to represent the hard times ahead....but the brand pandora had nothing that 'fit' the situation so I searched for ages and found a nice pomegranate charm. Pomegranates represent fertility so I thought this was the nicest choice.
However the other week I discovered I lost this charm and was quiet upset.... don't ask me why (it's only a bloody charm) but I think with AF on the door step and all TTC things on my mind it was the last straw. So I went on another hunt to find something nice that has a personal meaning for me. I wanted something to do with our future IVF journey - maybe something showing courage, strength, pray.
Well today I stumbled onto this little charm. I fell in love straight away. I could choose what I had printed and I have ordered a green pearl with the capping saying 'hope' with a heart stamped next to it. I think this best represents me at the moment...hope that our beautiful baby is not far away.
Last year in June when we found out we had fertility issues (MFI) I wanted a pandora charm to represent the hard times ahead....but the brand pandora had nothing that 'fit' the situation so I searched for ages and found a nice pomegranate charm. Pomegranates represent fertility so I thought this was the nicest choice.
However the other week I discovered I lost this charm and was quiet upset.... don't ask me why (it's only a bloody charm) but I think with AF on the door step and all TTC things on my mind it was the last straw. So I went on another hunt to find something nice that has a personal meaning for me. I wanted something to do with our future IVF journey - maybe something showing courage, strength, pray.
Well today I stumbled onto this little charm. I fell in love straight away. I could choose what I had printed and I have ordered a green pearl with the capping saying 'hope' with a heart stamped next to it. I think this best represents me at the moment...hope that our beautiful baby is not far away.
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| Swarovski pearl with personalised sterling silver capping |
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Hard Times For Others
The main reason I started this blog was to get down on paper my thoughts and feelings .... as I have been told I bottle things up too much and need to get them out. Well if you have read half or even a few of my posts it seems I whinge and sometimes complain ... and lets face it, I can do it well.
However being open about our infertility has brought me closer to many others. I have found friends in real life I thought I never would have things in common. I also find myself making many new 'faceless' friends on the web. With friendship comes trust, help/advice and most of all ongoing support. With these friendships you learn private things about others and you find so many have fell upon hard times, all different situations and at different times (past, present and maybe in the future).
I never like to talk about others but I wanted to take this time and mention that many of you are so strong, so brave for what you have been/going through. Everyones battle is different - many types of infertility and loss. At these moments I have no place to whinge, I am just grateful for what I have.
I think about these people often and I wish I could help in many ways - hopefully I do in a small way by providing my support. I want to leave you with a picture that means alot to me and a select few (I hope they don't mind as I think alot about them).
This willow tree sculpture is rendered so as to suggest elegance, simplicity, peace and serenity. The sculpture reveals their expression through body gestures only... a tilt of the head, placement of the hands, a turn of the body. Emotions are left to the viewer to discern, which makes them personal and powerful.
However being open about our infertility has brought me closer to many others. I have found friends in real life I thought I never would have things in common. I also find myself making many new 'faceless' friends on the web. With friendship comes trust, help/advice and most of all ongoing support. With these friendships you learn private things about others and you find so many have fell upon hard times, all different situations and at different times (past, present and maybe in the future).
I never like to talk about others but I wanted to take this time and mention that many of you are so strong, so brave for what you have been/going through. Everyones battle is different - many types of infertility and loss. At these moments I have no place to whinge, I am just grateful for what I have.
I think about these people often and I wish I could help in many ways - hopefully I do in a small way by providing my support. I want to leave you with a picture that means alot to me and a select few (I hope they don't mind as I think alot about them).
Monday, March 14, 2011
Bouncing Back
Having a massive meltdown is always good because you can only get better from there. So on friday I decided to try make things right and start by fixing all my issues (noted on last post).
First was and most important was work issues. So far so good - all parties have been spoken to and I think we are on the same page ... I will hopefully remain in my current position for some time yet (lucky or I would have kicked some ass lol).
On the weekend I started to get on top of homework and stuff I have been putting off due to lack of time. I am so thankful as now it is nearly all done... a few more things during the week then I am back in front. I have also booked in time to catch up with heaps of friends I haven't seen for a while - looking forward to that.
Another issue was my fear of the assessment cycle I am in the middle of. First few tests have been ok, next is internal ultrasound tonight - that should be fine....they don't hurt but having the whole world look at you 'bits' is always fun. Friday is the day I am dreading - HyCoSy.
Anyway in summary my weekend was good, I'm starting to bounce back into the swing of things.
First was and most important was work issues. So far so good - all parties have been spoken to and I think we are on the same page ... I will hopefully remain in my current position for some time yet (lucky or I would have kicked some ass lol).
On the weekend I started to get on top of homework and stuff I have been putting off due to lack of time. I am so thankful as now it is nearly all done... a few more things during the week then I am back in front. I have also booked in time to catch up with heaps of friends I haven't seen for a while - looking forward to that.
Another issue was my fear of the assessment cycle I am in the middle of. First few tests have been ok, next is internal ultrasound tonight - that should be fine....they don't hurt but having the whole world look at you 'bits' is always fun. Friday is the day I am dreading - HyCoSy.
Anyway in summary my weekend was good, I'm starting to bounce back into the swing of things.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Meltdown
Last night I had a huge melt down, not just your general whinge or cry ... one of the biggest yet. It just came tumbling down as everything became too much. I stress too much but about all different things for example:
* Sport - Even though I have finished playing sports I still must remain on the committee until hand over (May). When I was away in Bali we had a complaint lodged about one of the coaches (not my team another in the same club) he is always a hot head so I was not surprised. However in all the years I have been president for this club I have never had to deal with an external complaint... so the endless paperwork, meetings and arguements are just getting abit much. My view - this should never have happened and I have to go into clean up mode because he is a dickhead.
* Work - A friend 'let slip' to one of my bosses I was going through the IVF process. Aaon and I decided it was best not to tell anyone (apart from the big boss) at work just incase. This boss came up to me and said they have known for 2-3 weeks and have had thoughts on how to replace me when required. At the time I was in shock that they knew and tried to find out who said something .... after thinking about the brief discussion I felt like I was getting replaced before even being UTD - WTF?! Now I have to go into damage control here as explain to this boss that IVF is not a magic pill and I might still be here for the next 2 -3 years +. I always thought my work place was a safe place from stress, I never needed to worry however the way they are talking it feels like I might be 'disguarded' sooner rather than later.
* Friends - With the above situation unfolding I now am feeling I need to lock away talking about our TTC/IVF all together. Don't get me wrong I don't go around talking about it all day long (I only talk about it when asked) but now my trust is broken so no more 'updates' will be given out. I have also found out who told my boss and after a nice discussion I think distance is required before I rearrange their face :P
* TTC - With assessment cycle starting today I was freaking out about the tests. I hate needles - to the point where I felt sick driving in for the blood test today (stupid I know)....but the testing today was not that bad so this point has reduced some stresses.
* Homelife - With all the above going on and being away I have had little time to do housework so the mountain of washing, cleaning, gardening etc. required is huge....this is not great as I am so fussy and prefer my house spotless (yes I am always getting the OCD title thrown at me). Not only that we have Aaron's brother staying with us for approx 1-2 months which sometimes becomes a little much.
But with all this on my mind I am hoping to get a few things cleaned up and sorted this weekend as I have cleared my calendar to spend time on myself. Hopefully this helps so come Monday its a nice change and not be so full on.
Sometimes we need to have a meltdown, lose our shit, cry and vent so then we can pick up the pieces and carry on. If we didn't have downer moments we would never be thankful for the good times.
* Sport - Even though I have finished playing sports I still must remain on the committee until hand over (May). When I was away in Bali we had a complaint lodged about one of the coaches (not my team another in the same club) he is always a hot head so I was not surprised. However in all the years I have been president for this club I have never had to deal with an external complaint... so the endless paperwork, meetings and arguements are just getting abit much. My view - this should never have happened and I have to go into clean up mode because he is a dickhead.
* Work - A friend 'let slip' to one of my bosses I was going through the IVF process. Aaon and I decided it was best not to tell anyone (apart from the big boss) at work just incase. This boss came up to me and said they have known for 2-3 weeks and have had thoughts on how to replace me when required. At the time I was in shock that they knew and tried to find out who said something .... after thinking about the brief discussion I felt like I was getting replaced before even being UTD - WTF?! Now I have to go into damage control here as explain to this boss that IVF is not a magic pill and I might still be here for the next 2 -3 years +. I always thought my work place was a safe place from stress, I never needed to worry however the way they are talking it feels like I might be 'disguarded' sooner rather than later.
* Friends - With the above situation unfolding I now am feeling I need to lock away talking about our TTC/IVF all together. Don't get me wrong I don't go around talking about it all day long (I only talk about it when asked) but now my trust is broken so no more 'updates' will be given out. I have also found out who told my boss and after a nice discussion I think distance is required before I rearrange their face :P
* TTC - With assessment cycle starting today I was freaking out about the tests. I hate needles - to the point where I felt sick driving in for the blood test today (stupid I know)....but the testing today was not that bad so this point has reduced some stresses.
* Homelife - With all the above going on and being away I have had little time to do housework so the mountain of washing, cleaning, gardening etc. required is huge....this is not great as I am so fussy and prefer my house spotless (yes I am always getting the OCD title thrown at me). Not only that we have Aaron's brother staying with us for approx 1-2 months which sometimes becomes a little much.
But with all this on my mind I am hoping to get a few things cleaned up and sorted this weekend as I have cleared my calendar to spend time on myself. Hopefully this helps so come Monday its a nice change and not be so full on.
Sometimes we need to have a meltdown, lose our shit, cry and vent so then we can pick up the pieces and carry on. If we didn't have downer moments we would never be thankful for the good times.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Assessment Cycle
Before commencing IVF you are required to have a full over medical and numerous tests. All clinics are different but my clinic like to run an all over medical for both then a Semen Analysis (SA) and an assessment (tracking) cycle. Aaron and I have had our medicals and are now onto the SA and assessment cycle.
The assessment cycle is required to see how my body runs naturally. This cycle consists of many blood tests, internal ultrasounds, HyCoSy, antral follicle count and cervical mucous (CM) scores. Below is my approximate time line and basic explaination (some appointments are not booked as yet so will change give a day or 2).
CD 1 - Book assessment cycle
CD 2 - Blood test (this is to monitor my hormone levels)
CD 3, 4 or 5 - Antral follicle count (This is an internal ultrasound to determine my follicle count. This gives an indication of my ovarian reserve)
CD 7 or 8 - HyCoSy (a procedure to assess the uterus and fallopian tubes. My clinic preform this in the day surgery unit as sedation is used)
CD 9 to 14 - Blood test & internal ultrasound (this will occur second daily until ovulation is predicted)
CD 14 - CM score (similar to a pap smear. This is to test the quailty of CM. this must be before ovulation)
Upon ovulation intercourse must take place between 9pm and midnight.
CD 15 - Post coital score (same as CM score however this checks sperm/CM interaction)
CD 21 - blood test (to confirm ovulation has occured)
Aaron will have his SA done approximately CD5-10. After CD21 we book an appointment with our FS to discuss all results and future IVF plans. After this we book a counselling appointment as this is mandatory for any AC treatment.
As you can see we have a fun month ahead, starting tomorrow morning at 7am where I will book most and have the first of many blood tests. If you can remember back a month ago I explained I was terrible at needles and this is the main reason I was putting off IVF. I am still scared shitless of the month ahead, sitting hear packing myself over a stupid blood test tomorrow but I guess I must remember what it is all for. I will update you regularly over the next month so you don't feel left out.
Wish me luck - I need it!
The assessment cycle is required to see how my body runs naturally. This cycle consists of many blood tests, internal ultrasounds, HyCoSy, antral follicle count and cervical mucous (CM) scores. Below is my approximate time line and basic explaination (some appointments are not booked as yet so will change give a day or 2).
CD 1 - Book assessment cycle
CD 2 - Blood test (this is to monitor my hormone levels)
CD 3, 4 or 5 - Antral follicle count (This is an internal ultrasound to determine my follicle count. This gives an indication of my ovarian reserve)
CD 7 or 8 - HyCoSy (a procedure to assess the uterus and fallopian tubes. My clinic preform this in the day surgery unit as sedation is used)
CD 9 to 14 - Blood test & internal ultrasound (this will occur second daily until ovulation is predicted)
CD 14 - CM score (similar to a pap smear. This is to test the quailty of CM. this must be before ovulation)
Upon ovulation intercourse must take place between 9pm and midnight.
CD 15 - Post coital score (same as CM score however this checks sperm/CM interaction)
CD 21 - blood test (to confirm ovulation has occured)
Aaron will have his SA done approximately CD5-10. After CD21 we book an appointment with our FS to discuss all results and future IVF plans. After this we book a counselling appointment as this is mandatory for any AC treatment.
As you can see we have a fun month ahead, starting tomorrow morning at 7am where I will book most and have the first of many blood tests. If you can remember back a month ago I explained I was terrible at needles and this is the main reason I was putting off IVF. I am still scared shitless of the month ahead, sitting hear packing myself over a stupid blood test tomorrow but I guess I must remember what it is all for. I will update you regularly over the next month so you don't feel left out.
Wish me luck - I need it!
Brag Post
Well since I having a shit end to the week I thought I might make another sewing brag post. A close friend of mine is having a baby shower next month and I thought I would start early and make a few goodies. I have put a package together with a baby's blanket, few bibs, wetbag and a few cute baby clothes. Everything I have handmade apart from the baby clothes, I saw them in the shop and had to buy them. The parents are not finding out the sex until birth so I tired to stick with unisex colours. Here a few pictures (sorry for poor pic quality - taken from my iphone).
I hope my friend likes them as I tried to pick useful products they can use over and over again. Personally I give them a 10 out of 10 - I might be bias but I think I deserve it for putting in the hard work :)
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| This baby blanket has a printed cotton front with a super soft minky back. |
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
AF .... again.
FK U AF!! even though I knew you were showing up, I still hate your guts!!
There goes that silly little dream of making the miracle bali UTD belly.....to the next person that tells me 'relax it will happen' I will do some serious damage to their 'perfect' body. There is no way I could have relaxed anymore than last month, back to reality now and book my mountain of tests tomorrow. Will let you know more later.
vent over.
There goes that silly little dream of making the miracle bali UTD belly.....to the next person that tells me 'relax it will happen' I will do some serious damage to their 'perfect' body. There is no way I could have relaxed anymore than last month, back to reality now and book my mountain of tests tomorrow. Will let you know more later.
vent over.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
2nd Wedding Anniversary
1st March 2009 was one of the happiest days of my life - Aaron and I were married. It was so hot temp wise but that did not stop anyone from enjoying the day. We were happy with everything, the previous year of organisation paid off.
On the 1st March this year was our 2nd anniversary, we celebrated by heading out to a lovely place for dinner and Aaron organised a HUGE arrangement of flowers (I struggled to carry them back to the room), yummy cake and a band to sing our wedding songs all night. I was so embarrassed by the attention but Aaron knew I loved the thought and effort he went to. So to celebrate a little more I would like to share just a few of my fav wedding pictures.
On the 1st March this year was our 2nd anniversary, we celebrated by heading out to a lovely place for dinner and Aaron organised a HUGE arrangement of flowers (I struggled to carry them back to the room), yummy cake and a band to sing our wedding songs all night. I was so embarrassed by the attention but Aaron knew I loved the thought and effort he went to. So to celebrate a little more I would like to share just a few of my fav wedding pictures.
There are so many I would like to add above but I would be there all day. Looking back on this pictures reminds me of the wonderful family and friends that could join us on the day and they made the day perfect for us.
So to Aaron, I love you so much words can not discribe. I am looking forward to all our future life journeys together. I know we will be happy as we have each other xxx
The wonderful world of Bali
Well you guessed it .... I'M BACK!!! Bali was fantastic and I must admit it was definitely needed. Where to start - Our trip was for 2 weeks: first week with friends in Kuta at Bali Gardens Resort and second week with the inlaws in Nusa Dua at Peninsula Beach Resort.... both weeks had its different positives.
First week in Kuta was so much fun, out of the small group Aaron and I were the only ones that had been to Bali before so the shopping/market experience was new for them. We shopped till we dropped most days, we covered so much ground - the malls, street shops and the endless market stalls. The main items I purchased were: shoes (oh so many... I got into the double figures), clothes for others (we don't tend to buy clothes for ourselves there), many silver ear rings and stunning necklaces, many gifts for others...oh and don't forget the DVD stack Aaron brought back. so much more but I would be here all day ... lets just say our suitcases did weight over the limit on the way back lol.
With friends in the first week we also went to Waterbom Park. 1 word for you = scary!! I always shit myself on scary rides but I made myself go on all the scary water slides and the height of them alone nearly made me pass out but once you got to the bottom it was such a blast. I enjoyed this day as everyone was on a high and we mucked around like old times.
Since we were all feeling so uplifted we decided to hit the town quiet a few times but the best night was at the Bounty. Just how I like it = loud music, great friends and so many drinks no one could keep count! 2 huge drinks for the price of 1 ... who is going to complain. I can guarantee this night I was crunk (for anyone that doesn't know crunk = crazy drunk). I would go into stories of the night but I don't want to get banned from the blogging site lol
Second week in Nusa Dua was pure heaven....complete relaxation. Nusa Dua is out of the busy life style of Kuta which is great to relax and not be hounded every second to buy something. I think the hotel spa got most of my business - massages, facials, body scrubs, pedicures ... you name it I tried it! We stayed in the inlaws 2 bedroom apartment and it was flash! This is a few pics from our place there (sorry about the bad pics my camera has a busted lense).
While in Nusa Dua we all went to a Bali Cooking day. It started by picking us up and taking us out to a local village market (1& half hours away) and here we needed to purchase a few goods for our cooking class. At the market no one spoke english therefore we had translation cards and a certain budget we had in place. This was an unreal experience! Then we travelled further onto a small village and visited the local school where we brought gifts for all the children - this truly brought a tear to my eye. Then onto a local house where a few of the ladies ran a wonderful cooking class where we learnt 5-6 traditional dishes. On the way home we visited a coffee and choc plantation. At the end of the day we were all completely stuffed but I would go again and recommend to anyone as it is a true eye opener and something you have to see to believe.
The best part about any holiday is the food. The food in both locations (Kuta and Nusa Dua) was delicious! We tried so many 'out there' dishes but we were never disappointed. And on top of that the drinks were out of this world. One word for you = cocktails!! nothing beats swimming in the pool, cocktail in hand under the nice hot sun.
If I said it was a TTC/stress free holiday I would be lying. In the second week there were a few days I got depressed about TTC as I saw so many cute children and the families on holiday brought back a few thoughts but thankfully I pushed them down and held my head high thinking maybe my turn will be soon.....real soon.
So to sum the holiday up would be priceless. I couldn't have asked for a better distraction from reality than an excellent holiday ... and to think I have been putting off a holiday for a year +, how silly was I. Now I am back into the world of work, family/friends and TTC stress.
First week in Kuta was so much fun, out of the small group Aaron and I were the only ones that had been to Bali before so the shopping/market experience was new for them. We shopped till we dropped most days, we covered so much ground - the malls, street shops and the endless market stalls. The main items I purchased were: shoes (oh so many... I got into the double figures), clothes for others (we don't tend to buy clothes for ourselves there), many silver ear rings and stunning necklaces, many gifts for others...oh and don't forget the DVD stack Aaron brought back. so much more but I would be here all day ... lets just say our suitcases did weight over the limit on the way back lol.
With friends in the first week we also went to Waterbom Park. 1 word for you = scary!! I always shit myself on scary rides but I made myself go on all the scary water slides and the height of them alone nearly made me pass out but once you got to the bottom it was such a blast. I enjoyed this day as everyone was on a high and we mucked around like old times.
Since we were all feeling so uplifted we decided to hit the town quiet a few times but the best night was at the Bounty. Just how I like it = loud music, great friends and so many drinks no one could keep count! 2 huge drinks for the price of 1 ... who is going to complain. I can guarantee this night I was crunk (for anyone that doesn't know crunk = crazy drunk). I would go into stories of the night but I don't want to get banned from the blogging site lol
Second week in Nusa Dua was pure heaven....complete relaxation. Nusa Dua is out of the busy life style of Kuta which is great to relax and not be hounded every second to buy something. I think the hotel spa got most of my business - massages, facials, body scrubs, pedicures ... you name it I tried it! We stayed in the inlaws 2 bedroom apartment and it was flash! This is a few pics from our place there (sorry about the bad pics my camera has a busted lense).
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| view from our bedroom |
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| view from our balcony |
The best part about any holiday is the food. The food in both locations (Kuta and Nusa Dua) was delicious! We tried so many 'out there' dishes but we were never disappointed. And on top of that the drinks were out of this world. One word for you = cocktails!! nothing beats swimming in the pool, cocktail in hand under the nice hot sun.
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| one of the lush cocktails |
So to sum the holiday up would be priceless. I couldn't have asked for a better distraction from reality than an excellent holiday ... and to think I have been putting off a holiday for a year +, how silly was I. Now I am back into the world of work, family/friends and TTC stress.
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