The weekend started off well with shopping, Aaron's sport and cleaning around the house .... you know, the usual routine. On saturday we had everyone over for a BBQ and drinks to kick the winter sport season off with a bang (Aaron's winter softball season started saturday). Since the BBQ was at our house a few close friends dropped in as well.
A group that came over were our best friends and another couple who are pregnant and have only a few weeks to go. I love catching up with this pregnant couple as they had been TTC for a year+ and found they had the same issue fertility wise as us, so they understand our situation and are very thoughtful (which as some people know is very rare in real life!). Aaron and I are so happy for them as they tried very hard to fall pregnant and they are so happy and excited about the upcoming birth it is lovely to watch. She had her baby shower last weekend which was great to attend and she was so thankful for the baby package I handmade - all pictured in the previous posts (blanket, bibs, wetbag and spongebob baby shirt-this shirt was purchased). As soon as they walked into the BBQ on saturday the husband ran up to me and thanked me so much for the handmade gifts from the baby shower - he was seriously bragging big time about the quality and cool fabrics I used. This was the nicest thing ever, the start of the night was fantastic.
As usual the ladies group together and gossip the night away. It started with baby talk (all there have had children apart from me) as this friend is ready to pop any minute but the conversation quickly turned to how easy it is to fall pregnant and why I haven't had children. Then the ladies insisted on talking about what type of parent I would be and what my future child would look like.....this was truly heartbreaking. I couldn't believe the conversation had turned to this as nearly all knew our situation, they all still think it is that easy....maybe we were doing it wrong....and most of my friends consider IVF a magic pill.
I tried my hardest to stop all conversation about myself, I was struggling enough during the week with AF arriving I couldn't handle discussing it with friends. But even though I tried to stop it the conversation about babies, pregnancy, birth, myself having children all seemed to continue thoughout the night - I couldn't escape it. So after trying for a while I had to sit and just look on. I can't join in those conversations, I have nothing to add as I haven't been there....the only thing that runs through my mind is our struggles and the possiblility of IVF not working and maybe not being successful at all.
After having a major break down in the morning to Aaron about the whole night we decided to try forget about the night and enjoy the day as I was having friends meet up at the waterfront pub in the city to celebrate my birthday. All was well until the same group of friends joined us at the pub. The mum to be was fantastic she said she understood and could tell from just the look on my face that last night was hard, she remembers all to well what it was like. Sadly my other best friend still found it was a topic that needed to come up the following day at lunch - I was not impressed. This friend just doesn't get it. So again all I could think about was TTC - always a nice topic to kill any fun mood.
Today I am fine, I have tried to foget about the words said. The lesson I learnt this weekend; some friends have been there and understand completely, some people try real hard to understand/ask questions and are always considerate.... and then at the other end of the scale there are friends/family members that will never get it - they think you are just complaining and whinging for nothing, its easier then you make out (this is the majority of our friends). Sadly even though Aaron and I have told people we are struggling none of them know the total extent of our situation, we never discuss in real life the ins and outs - people dont want to hear it.
This is another moment where I am completely thankful to have an online network of 'faceless friends'. They get it .... they know what its like - many/nearly all are in the thick of it as well or have been there preiously.
Again these great friends are completely priceless and they seriously keep me sane.
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